10 Ridiculous Kitchen Gadgets That You’ll Probably Want

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What’s in your kitchen? If you’re anything like me, you have a couple of bits of cutlery, a saucepan, and maybe a plate. I think someone also left a tin-opener behind once. Helpful for all those tins of chicken ‘n’ mushroom pies I open. (Yes, they exist. Don’t judge.)

So yeah. It’s fair to say that I’m not particularly of the domesticated kind. But the following ridiculous kitchen gadgets are calling to me. I have no idea when I would ever use them, but still. Bring it on.

 1. The Egg Master, £16.48

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: what's wrong with just cooking an egg normally?
Credit: Instagram/The Guardian

Flaccid penis, anyone? OK, you got me. This isn’t a penis. It’s actually just eggs that have been cooked vertically in a cylindrical tube on a stick. The mind BOGGLES. What’s wrong with a regular fried egg?!

2. Donald Trump Toaster, £23.12trump

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: yep, Donald Trump toast sounds completely mental
Credit: Russia-insider.com

Talking of eggs, how do you like yours done? How about with a side of Donald Trump toast? This latest invention burns a perfect image of Trump’s beautiful, comb-over-topped noggin onto a slice of toast. What more could you ask for?

3. Ice Cream Cone Express, £22.18

This ice cream cone express makes our list of ridiculous kitchen gadgets
Credit: Amazon

This contraption implies that we have the effort to make actual ice cream cones for our ice cream. Seriously, just plonk a scoop or five in a bowl and be done with it.

4. Portable Pizza Pouch, £5.29

A portable pizza pouch?! Definitely makes our list of ridiculous kitchen gadgets
Credit: stupidiotic.com

OK, this one isn’t exclusive to the kitchen. But a pizza pouch! Never again will we have to suffer the indignity of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no pizza to hand.

5. Monogrammed Barbecue Branding Iron, £39.01

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: Monogrammed barbecue branding iron, anyone?
Credit: hammacher.com

Need to keep track of your meat? That’s pretty much my only concern in life. Thankfully, never again will I have this problem thanks to this monogrammed barbecue branding iron.

6. Banana Slicer, £1.48

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: bored of cutting bananas? Enter the banana slicer
Credit: Amazon.co.uk

Save yourself six seconds each morning by cutting your banana in one swift motion. My real concern here is what happens if you have a particularly bendy banana? Or one that’s dead straight? Too many questions.

7. Egg Cuber, £5.50

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: When would we ever need an egg cuber?
Credit: amazon.co.uk

When would you ever need an egg cuber? Actually, now I know this exists I’ll probably be searching my local Lakeland for one later on.

8. Bagel Guillotine, £14.83

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: who needs a knife when you've got this violent contraption?
Credit: Amazon.co.uk

I mean, the premise for this bagel guillotine kind of works. There’s nothing worse than cutting a bagel in half using a knife – and then finding out that one half of the bagel is too thin to hold the tonne of cream cheese you want to smother on. But having this French Revolution-esque beast in the corner? I think it might freak out my guests. Jokes, no-one ever comes round my house.

9. Tomato and Grape Cutter, £6.59

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: When has anyone ever used a tomato and grape cutter?
Credit: williams-sonoma.com

I didn’t realise a tomato and grape cutter was an actual thing. Surely you can just…use a knife?

10. Breakfast Sandwich Maker, £29.08

Ridiculous kitchen gadgets: Make a whole sandwich in one go with this contraption
Credit: amazon.co.uk

Pfft, who needs one machine to make a whole toasted sandwich? A five-minute sandwich which you can personalise with ingredients like egg, ham, cheese, bacon….OK, screw everything I’ve said. This is one gadget I’m buying right this second.

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