Can We All Please Stop Watching Big Brother

 —  By

Big Brother Is The Worst

For 14 years, Britain’s citizens have been victim to a vicious plague that we need to end – the cult of Big Brother.

The current season of Celebrity Big Brother is the show’s 16th incarnation, which means that some years we’ve been lucky enough to have more than one series to get angry about. When you take into account the 16 seasons of the regular run-of-the-mill John and Jane Does – none of whom are actually significant enough to spring to mind – that means we’ve had over 30 chances to switch off the telly. Or, y’know, just leave the flipping country for good.

For those who’ve been lucky enough to have escaped the incessant drivel of Big Brother (and its accompanying write-ups in magazines and on social media), the show revolves around a selection of ‘housemates’ living 24/7 in a custom-built house, isolated from the outside world for anything up to three months. The celebrity version of the show seems to be a mainstay of Channel 5, attracting big names such as, uh, Jeremy Jackson, Courtney Stodden and someone off Made in Essex or whatever.

Celebs? What Celebs?


While the celeb version usually looks to give air-time to vacuous, fame-hungry individuals who can’t seem to accept the fact their time passed 20 years ago, the latest season has given even more reason for us to doubt its longevity.

Put simply, Big Brother is the worst show on TV. With Gail Porter having an OCD breakdown after being told she couldn’t clean the dishes, and producers deciding to air footage of Janice Dickinson having a fit in the diary room, the show is fast earning a reputation as being insanely cruel. For who, in their own right mind, would deliberately provoke someone with a mental health illness? Especially someone who has experienced several breakdowns over the years? Come to think of it, why would anyone consider it a good idea to put someone like that in the Big Brother house?

And then you’ve also got Farrah Abraham rubbing people up the wrong way (no pun intended), and threatening to kill all her fellow housemates. At the risk of sounding like my mum, just what is this show teaching kids? “Just be an aggressive, unlikeable person with no discernible talent and you may get the chance to get on TV and destroy any integrity you once had”?

It’s not like the show is even drawing in big audiences. The last season of Celebrity Big Brother, which ended in February this year, reached an average of 3.1 million people. The season before that, 2.1 million. When you compare that to the 5.2 million people who gave the very first season a go back in 2001, it’s clear that the show is (hopefully) well and truly on its way out.

And for the 2.62 million people who are reportedly tuning it to the season currently gracing our screens now – please switch over and help us end this Big Brother cult. Otherwise, I’ll see the rest of you at the airport. I hear Spain’s nice this time of year.