Lessons From Heston Blumenthal’s New Cookery GCSE

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Heston Blumenthal has launched a new cookery GCSE
Heston really loves cooking. Look at his little face!
Exams are tough
Heston Blumenthal's meat fruit
Heston Blumenthal's meat fruit
Heston Blumenthal making liquid nitrogen ice cream
Heston Blumenthal making liquid nitrogen ice cream

Ah, school cookery lessons. How we long for thee. All those hours of mucking around in class, throwing flour at each other and giving the teacher an anxiety attack. Ah, bliss. All that time spent fashioning eyebrows from green pepper slices for our amazing face pizza. Oh how we miss it. Well, today’s kids won’t have similar awesome memories, thanks to Heston Blumenthal’s new cookery GCSE. The div.

The egg-headed molecule-botherer has teamed up with exam board OCR to create a brand new cookery GCSE that’s trying to get more teens interested in cooking. Not sure how well it’ll work, but Heston reckons that adding a bit of science to proceedings will help ignite some passion for cooking. The first ‘food preparation and nutrition’ exams are set to take place in 2018, and will feature a bevy of lessons from the food boffin. We went to the unveiling (not really) to find out a bit more. Here are some of the dishes these kids will be creating:

Mayonnaise

Kids these days are known to subsist on a simple diet of Snapchat and sauces, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that one of the key lessons from Heston’s new course is how to make mayo. The key here is breaking it down into the molecular components and understanding how yolks emulsify and stabilise to form a completely new thing. His syllabus will also teach them how to use eggs to make meringues, and choux pastry, and scrambled eggs. So basically, lots of eggs, unlike that maniac Jamie Oliver.

Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream

Letting kids loose with liquid nitrogen, what could go wrong? As long as each school is prepared for several cases of frost-bite, then this will go down well. But, seriously, the wow-factor of creating ice-cream instantly in a smoking cauldron should get the more borderline pupils interested in actually doing GCSEs. And being fully contributing members of society. Or it might just go tits up.

Sound of the Playground

Kids will be able to recreate that famous dish from the Fat Duck called Sound of the Sea. You know the one – it featured a fishy ‘wave’ that was actually a foam, on top of a sandy beach made out of powdered…stuff, accompanied by an iPod that played the sound of waves crashing and disappointment. This version will try to replicate that, whereby a ‘spit’ foam is created from Haribos and the sandy playground is just lots and lots of Wotsit dust. That’ll be accompanied by the sound of some sick grime.

Meatfruit Part 2

Kids love meat, the fat bastards. Unfortunately they don’t like fruit that much. This dish tries to change all that by blending a couple of bananas with eight thick Richmond sausages and then making it look like a mandarin. Amazing, right? Well you can only learn how to make it from Heston Blumenthal’s new cookery GCSE! But, not really.