There’s an Amazing New Weapon In The Fight Against Terrorism

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What was 2015 about anyway?

The new weapon against ISIS is...Jedward.

As we observe the final few death throes of 2015, journalists across this mighty land have been left panic-stricken in an attempt to wrap up 2015 in a neat way. To give it a unique little sentence that describes what the year was all about. There are obviously so many potential things for us to cover from across the year, but in the end it’s a dead heat between the half-wit prince Donald Trump and those band of beardy arseholes known as ISIS. Unfortunately for all of us, 2015 has got to be the year of increasingly horrible terrorism.

But that’s okay. And you know why? Because there’s an amazing new weapon in the fight against terrorism. It’s been kept under wraps for the better part of the year, because well, it needed lots of backcombing to be ready. But it’s finally here and it’s finally going to tackle all the hate that those men in black (no, not Will Smith et al) are spreading.

Jedward Bound

Jedward and the fight against terrorism

Ladies and gentlemen can we present to you the wonder that is Jedward. Yes, John and Edward Grimes, otherwise known as the portmanteau-tastic Jedward, are our only hope in fighting the radical evil spreading through the Levant. They are going to embark on a ‘worldwide’ peace tour whereby they visit airports around…Europe to meet and greet people to spread their wonderful message. Which basically sounds like they drank too many Panda Pops and watched Love Actually and thought that recreating it would be a good idea.

And I’m not gonna lie. This is a great idea. But it’s not worldwide. And also no terrorist would be attacking Stansted. Let’s be real. But you know what, at least they’re doing something. The hell are you doing to help?! Eh? Eh?!

If you enjoyed reading about Jedward and their fight against terrorism, then you’ll also enjoy This Story About Nutella and ISIS Will Make You Angry and 10 Things You Absolutely Need to Know About ISIS.