London Underground Rent Map Released, Depresses Everyone

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London: the place where we come to make our dreams a reality; but more often than not, it’s the place where we just end up sobbing into our empty bank accounts while downing bargain-basement wine from Asda.

And now there’s even more great news: London rent prices are INSANE. And not in a good way. Yeah, it’s not really ‘news’. It’s just basically our lives, laid out in black and white for the rest of the world to laugh at.

New research from the folks at Thrillist and Find Properly shows a full rent map of the capital. And it’s slightly on the depressing side. The map shows the average monthly cost for a one-bedroom property within one kilometre of each Tube station.

London rent prices have become extortionate

Click here to see a full-size version to catch all your tears as you weep.

So, what does the London rent prices map tell us? Well, unsurprisingly, we’ve all been pretty much priced out of the city centre. You’d be looking at over £2,000 for a pad near Piccadilly Circus. And if your dream’s a one-bedroom place near Hyde Park Corner, forget it. That will set you back almost £3,000 a month.

And, equally unsurprisingly, the further you get from the city centre, the more affordable property is. Remember Redbridge? Yeah, everyone loves Redbridge. Well property there averages at around £488 a month. And the wonderful up-and-coming Elm Park has a property average of £552. Delightful. Have always wanted to live in the middle of nowhere.

But the real star of the show, according to the map, is Hatton Cross. Well, as long as you can stand the 16-day commute into central London. Not only do properties average at just £324 a month, you’re also right by Heathrow Airport. Perfect for when we realise that life will be so much cheaper in Thailand or Tajikistan or something.

With property prices this high, it’s not surprising that depressingly small, dingy and claustrophobic ‘rooms’ are cropping up all over the place. If you’re really desperate for a room, you can get a bed in a, uh, shed in Bethnal Green. Don’t worry, it should be warm. The shed’s in the living room. And it’s just £480 a month. Bargain.

A shed. In a living room. Things can’t get more depressing than that.

And if your life’s desire is to live like Harry Potter (pre-Hogwarts days), there’s a room for you too. Granted it’s a tiny cupboard in a Paddington property – but it’s £40 a week, so we really can’t complain…

London rent prices: You can't really complain when you've got this, uh, lovely cupboard available for £40 a week
Look, there’s even room for your breakfast bits.

Enjoyed this article on insanely ridiculous London rent prices? If so, you probably don’t live in London. But hey, why not check out other RiseFeed articles including Weird Things You See When You Work In London and Guess These Rude Tube Stops From Emoji Clues.