Nissan are set to reveal its new social media car concept at the Tokyo Motor Show later this month. And you might need to sit down for this one. It’s called ‘Teatro for Dayz’ and it’s the most self-indulgent, distracting and outright silly idea in the history of weird experimental cars.
The interior features none of the familiar buttons and dials that we mere regular car-drivers are used to. Instead, the dashboard, seats and headrests have all been turned into interactive LED screens that respond to touch and voice.
Features include an on-board digital camera to distract both the driver and passengers. There’s also the ability to see photos, watch movies and play games. Sure the probability of having a road accident increases. Ah well. At least everyone will have had a wonderfully entertaining journey.
Nissan describe it as the ‘first car designed specifically for the generation known as ‘digital natives,’ or ‘share natives’. So basically kids who like Facebook and selfies.
I imagine the concept for the Teatro (Italian for ‘theatre’) came about something like this:
‘Let’s try and appeal to young rich kids whose parents want them to have the best of everything. Apple are doing pretty well. Let’s just take an iPhone and make it into a giant car. And have bright lights everywhere. And patterns. And a camera for watching yourself inside the car. Sorted.’
Nissan’s Product Planning General Manager Hidemi Sasaki explained that, ‘share natives feel that time spent in a car should be time for connecting and sharing experiences with friends’. And there I was thinking cars were for getting you to places that you needed to go. What a fool I am. Also, the term ‘share natives’ makes me physically shudder.
I mean, everyone’s partial to the occasional selfie, but this is just insane. I never thought technology would go so far as to make a car manufacturer actually forget the primary function of a vehicle.
Is the world going mad?
This social media car isn’t the only thing taking things too far. New sentencing guidelines are being put into place early next year with regards to mobile phone theft. Criminals who steal phones that contain ‘irreplaceable’ messages or photos will now face tougher punishment than those without. And the, err, reason for this? Emotional harm, of course.
A spokesman for the Sentencing Council explained that ‘it does not matter whether the item has financial value – it is the impact on the victim that will have an influence on the case.’
I mean, come on. Surely having your phone stolen is equally crap for everyone. And the emotional value or whatever mumbo jumbo term they choose to use isn’t exactly something quantifiable. Or maybe it is and I just don’t know about it. Is there some emotional value measurer somewhere out there that I could use? Because I’m sure that I was far more upset at the ‘death’ of Jon Snow than many people. Can I claim on that now too?
And then there’s the Looncup. Think of a digitalised Mooncup. It’s been invented to monitor a woman’s, umm, ‘flow’ and then tell them about it in an informative text message. Speechless.
Can’t everyone just take a step back from digitalising everything for just a minute? Some things just aren’t meant to be turned into an app, or a computer or a front-facing camera. Who’s with us?
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