The Most Brutal Comebacks To Have On Standby

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Brutal comebacks are the Holy Grail of arguments (and we don’t mean in a Jimmy Carr sort of way). Done well, a comeback can be enough to shut the haters up immediately. And we find that the more merciless the comeback, the more effective they are.

But thinking up a good comeback? That’s the difficult bit. Often you only have milliseconds to think up a reply that will shut your opponent down. (Unless you’re arguing over social media, in which case you’ll have a few extra minutes to trawl the web for inspiration.)

Luckily for us, Reddit has come to the rescue again. Users have been sharing some of the most brutal comebacks that they’ve ever heard – and some of these are so harsh, you’ll need an ice pack on standby for any residue burns.

The comebacks range from the funny…

(This one probably only works if your dad is actually a pediatrician…)
My dad is a pediatrician. Someone said to my brother: “Your dad touched my balls.”
My brother’s response was: “Yeah, and you paid him for it.”

“Kill yourself.”
“If I wanted to kill myself I would jump from your ego to your I.Q.”

These brutal burns even make Loki grimace

…to the kind that are so brutal we actually grimaced:

I was on a job site with a co-worker named Scott, redoing some plumbing in an empty house. We had an iPod going, and a song by White Zombie comes on. I can’t remember the name of it, but the intro has audio clips of a woman having an orgasm. I yell to Scott, “Hey, I think your wife is here!” He was sweeping up some dust after drilling a hole through some concrete, so, he scoops it up, walks over, and very slowly pours it on the floor in front of me with a smirk on his face and says, “Hey Pat, your mom’s here.”

My mother had been cremated about 3 weeks before this happened. [Ouch]

These brutal comebacks are enough to make you want to flee the scene