We don’t wish to alarm you, but there’s a very real threat to one of the most beautiful natural wonders of the world. Stocks of mullets are very low, and they’re very close to extinction. So we need to rally the troops to bring back mullets from the precipice of non-existence.
None of us actually realised how serious the issue was till yesterday. You’re probably asking yourself: what was yesterday? Well, it was the day that saurian-skinned porno-chaser Peter Stringfellow finally got rid of his mullet. His greasy grey mullet that’s probably seen more naked girls than your whole squad.
It’s certainly a fashion-forward statement from the man, but it’s quite a crushing blow to those of us who value tradition. Those who uphold the standards of a bygone era by rocking the ol’ business in the front, party in the back motto! Those of us who care about such mundane things.
Mullet For My Valentine
Haters will say that Stringfellow made the change for charity. And they might be right. Actually they’re definitely right, because he cut off his rat tail in aid of ITV’s ‘Text Santa’ charity. The 75 year old actually got celeb snipper (note the extra ‘p’) Nicky Clarke to cut his locks live on ITV’s Loose Women.
Which is fine…actually it’s not. Nothing is worse than disrespecting yourself and your hair this much. So we need you guys to help us in making sure mullets don’t just disappear. Let’s all grow our mullets for Christmas. Who’s in?
If you enjoyed reading about mullets, then you’ll also enjoy All Hail Darwinism! Selfies Now Kill More People Than Sharks and These Funny Sports Names Will Destroy You