What’s Actually Inside The Pyramids?

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The Pyramids of Giza have been attracting a lot of attention recently. Well, actually, they’ve been attracting  a lot of attention for thousands of years. But what I mean is that they’ve been talked about a lot more recently, especially so after Ben Carson hypothesised that the pyramids were a grain-storage device created by Joseph. Aside from seeming quite far-fetched, and remaining unsupported by the Abrahamic religions, there doesn’t seem to be much evidence to support his claim. In order to join the party, I’ve donned a tin-foil hat of my own and here are some hypotheses of my own about what’s inside the pyramids. Be warned, the claims are not based on any actual evidence. Aside from the last one, that is.

Lots and lots of candy

what's actually inside the pyramids

Yeah, the pyramids are actually gigantic pinatas filled with Jolly Ranchers and other horrible candy. They were built for Pharaohe Monch sometime in 1996 as a birthday present. Those parties were really mental – everyone dancing like an Egyptian, high on candy.

Desmond Hume

desmond hume is inside the pyramids

You know, the guy from the tv show LOST. The guy they find in the hatch who has to keep typing in those numbers. He’s just so good at that job. He has to keep the pyramids from taking off into space.


aliens inside the pyramids

Well, if Joseph didn’t build the pyramids then it’s most likely that aliens did. Maybe the same aliens also built The Luxor Las Vegas? Bastards, I knew they were up to something.


is there just dust inside the pyramids

Just thinking about it for a second, maybe the pyramids are just a giant sandcastle built by some crazy giant.

Okay, stop joking, what’s actually in them?

hieroglyphics inside the pyramids

Most archaeologists agree that the pyramids were tombs for the Pharaohs. The structure of the complex, alongside the decoded hieroglyphics, give a good indication of the utility of the pyramids. So much so, that these crackpot claim are easily dispelled. If you want to read more then check out this article from New Historian.

If you enjoyed finding out what’s inside the pyramids, then you’ll also enjoy Conspiracy Theories That Turned Out to Be True and Funny Movie Mistranslations